Saturday, October 11, 2003

Preparing for Monday... 

To help you start the week right.

10. Bring your toenail clipper
9. Sneeze a lot...but don't cover
8. Bring up puzzlingly irrelevant side issues
e.g. "As Thomas Aquinas observed, 'e lexicalis plumbium suburtum defetitis'. Now, I don't know Latin, but I do know my Uncle Pete. He's quite a fisherman. Been to Manitoba to fish, in fact. Ever been to Manitoba? Winnipeg's its capitol. That's capitol with an 'o'..."
7. Continually address questions to your imaginary friend, Melvin
"Is this seat taken?"
"Can't you see that's Melvin's there!?"
6. Watch the game (any game)
5. Induce nasal tunnel syndrome (i.e. pick your nose)
"I think I got a big one!"
4. Set up a "Hot Wheels" racecourse on the table
3. Repeat everything everyone says
2. Bring a lot of vegetables and randomly smash them
1. Bring along a pulchritudinous hand puppet...or Vulf


Vulf's Sunday Quote of the day... 

If you feed the birds in your yard "Turtle Wax", you not only get to feel good about helping out nature...
But later that day your car gets waxed, no extra effort on your part.

Vulf's Saturday Quote of the Day... 

A little etiquette tip for you...at a seance, don't ask the undead for any money they owe you.


It is hard to German understand. Many of their sentences with the verb end. Because of this, for the very end of what they're saying you must wait. Sometimes you to listen forget, and this a problem becomes.


Football picks 

Well, it's not Friday, but then again, I have nothing to add to the picks. I have not seen a football game in years; I found that Europeans don't give a flying rip about it. The German Sports TV used to carry repeats of and/or live NFL games; the best part about that was hearing the language: things like "und Denver hat den Quarterback gesackt" or "er ist interceptet geworden" or "Der Runningback lauft bis zum 10 Yardline und ist getacklet." What I wouldn't give to hear the American commentary such as the always incisive "whodathunkit" or the equally penetrating "I'll tell you what".

The maisonneuve site is up and running - the picks are as good as ever.



Can't help you Vulf on your low-rider conundrum. I cannot explain it. Maybe you should start a trend and start wearing your pants below your butt cheeks? Then you could put one of those tribal tatoo things (this is my pet peeve - the more people try to be different the more they are the same) on your penis. Lick the envelope man!



This article on Slate (Jeans cover virtually no real estate) pretty much says it all...what is up with this low-riding pants craze? I'm serious, can anyone help me here? Why is this cool? What's next, "monk-shaven" heads?


Friday, October 10, 2003

Vulf's Quote of the Day... 

A nice thing to do for your garbage person is to put a thin mint on the top of each can. It shows
you care.

NFL Picks... 

Knowing about as much about the NFL as What-a-Rush! (Rush party) knows about moderation (not to mention the NFL), nevertheless I'll put my picks out for public display and subsequent ridicule:

1. Game of the Week: Chiefs/Packers...Head says Chiefs, Heart says Pack. Chiefs start with a 7-0 lead since Dante Hall is a guaranteed return-for-TD. However, looking at the Packers' next five games, they could be 3-7 mid-November unless they treat this as a must-win. And it's very hard to go 6-0...
Upset special, Green Bay 31, Kansas City 28.

2. Pittsburgh looked awful last week, Denver beat themselves at K.C. Denver runs over the Steelers, Portis goes ape-nuts, 34-14.

3. Houston at Tennessee. McNair with flair, don't go there...Tennessee 28-17.

4. Philadelphia at Dallas. Barely legal eagles bring out the barbed wire, hogtie the Cowboys 24-13.

5. Carolina at Indianapolis. Indy looked unstoppable last week, but underestimating the Panthers is easy based on history...Indy wins with more effort than they expect, 31-27.

6. Miami at Jacksonville. Remember the first game against Houston? Nah, me neither, Miami wins 21-17.

7. Chicago at New Orleans. As Loopie said, who cares? New Orleans has fallen farther, and needs to get out. In fact, they need the Mississippi to be diverted, but that's another time, another story. Chicago, meanwhile, has fallen and can't get up. Saints, 23-13.

8. Tampa Bay at Washington. After Monday's epic collapse, Da Bucs (ever noticed Da Bucs is scuba'd backwards?...didn't think so) will be furious. Bucs, 22-9.

9. Oakland at Cleveland. Oakland's season on the line. Cleveland already mathematically eliminated from my concern. Raiders, 23-18.

10. NY Giants at New England. Patriot act needs re-writing, but still New England, 24-15.

11. Buffalo at NY Jets. The bills are due again, 31-21.

12. Baltimore at Arizona. Indeed, who cares? Stark, Raven madness, 23-13. What is it with the Cardinal franchise, anyway? If it were a McDonald's franchise, it'd be selling McLint burgers or Freedom Fries.

13. SF at Seattle. This could bury the Niners. Seahawks, 27-17.

14. MONDAY NIGHT, Atlanta at Saint Louis. No Warner, no Vick? Yawn. Rams, 23-17.


Kobe and the Partial-Term-inator 

The Japanese city of Kobe is a huge port city, most remember it for the 17 Jan 1995 earthquake (The earth is shaking like Marlin Brando's bathroom scale!) that made some, in my opinion, a little too smug about Japanese infrastructure problems. Given that Japan is both the safest and nicest place I've visited, I wonder if the real Kobe suffers from similar smugness?

Now, don't get me wrong...if Kobe behaved as was portrayed in graphic detail yesterday, he deserves a very very severe sentence. But so did William Kennedy Smith (I knew JFK...and you're no JFK, asshead!). Rape is a double felony, because it takes away the victim's past and future. If you don't agree, you gonna get bit, chico, on the Bite. Go buy a Sleater-Kinney album (These grrrrls ROCK!) along with a clue.

But I digress. Vulfs have a way of doing that. Here I am, stripping the bones from my victim, but I pause Hamlet-like to consider the skull I expose. No, the victim here is a familiar one. The "media", whatever that is. Here I can, Newton-like (not the failed PDA, Unlike Wilk, it DOESN'T understand English! :), but hopefully more like the famous alchemist who also kicked a derriere or two in physics), stand on the shoulders of giants...my fellow Pack. Why is Kobe's alleged victim being smeared? Hey, the press is just covering all bases. They've already smeared Kobe. Now, no matter what happened, someone innocent has been mistreated. Yea, journalism. Lobo already elucidated the smear on Perez, I have nothing to add. Thank you, Leibniz (Invented Calculus too/first!) Lobo!

Here's, for the record, the smear on Kobe. It is all over the web, but this is as good a starting point as any: ."Link, where it says:

"Bryant, who has cultivated [my emphasis] a wholesome image in ads for McDonald's and Sprite and recently signed a reported five-year, $40 million-$50 million deal with Nike, has been described as a respected loner who mostly avoided the party scene and was dedicated solely to honing his craft."

In other words, Kobe is the best there is of (pick the group you think they want you to associate Kobe with), and he is still a rapist.

More ridiculous (no surprise, it points to FoxNews...Kobe hammered) is the following: "Bryant was married in 2001 and became a father in January. He wore his baby girl's hospital ID bracelet in his first game after she was born, enhancing [my emphasis] his wholesome image, and later appeared in ESPN ads carrying a case of diapers."

In other words, Kobe is the best there is of (pick the group you think they want you to associate Kobe with), and he is still a rapist.

I don't know Kobe from Adam, but I do know when we are being steered. I know because I'm trying to steer you right now. Think about the associations media gives you.

Now, about the Partial Term-inator
Don't be fooled, this was no perfect storm. Arnold would win a general election in California. And, Arnold is in politics to win, and for the rest of his life. He will continue to win. But is he really a moderate? I see how the press has linked conceptually his being a "moderate" with his being a "movie star"...for example the Clearly Nazi Network (CNN announcement of Arnie's hat in the ring)

which starts with these lines:

"The surprise announcement came during a Wednesday afternoon taping of NBC's 'The Tonight Show' with Jay Leno which was scheduled to air Wednesday night. Prior to the taping, it had been widely speculated that Schwarzenegger, 56, would announce he would not run. The Austrian-born movie star and moderate Republican [my emphasis] helped fuel speculation about his political ambitions this summer, just as his movie 'Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines' was being released."

They want you to associate the obviousness of him being an "Austrian-born movie star" (who alive doesn't know that?) with the "obviousness" of him being "moderate". Is he moderate in some ways? Freedom of choice for example? Maybe to some, but overall he is very far right compared to, say, the right in Canada or Europe. This is LIE by ASSOCIATION, and it is rife in the press.

[By the way, they supposedly caught the two guys hanging in the Senator's house...stay tuned...I did say that was speculation, but that story (see "So many lies, so little time...") still smells weird]


Friday Furball Sports Day 

Our guest sports blogger's links are broken. Out of sheer desperation, here's my posting of week 6 of the NFL. Lacking any real knowledge of the NFL this year, I decided to rely on my Magic 8 ball.

Carolina at Indianapolis
Will Carolinal beat Indianapolis? Magic 8 ball: My sources say no.

Chicago at New Orleans
Whose worse Chicago or New Orleans? Magic 8 ball: New Orleans will play to lose.

Houston at Tennessee
Will the new Houston win again? Magic 8 ball: Don't count on it.

Kansas City at Green Bay
Is Kansas the best team in football? Magic 8 ball: Ask again later. Second time: As I see it Yes! The little hesitancy coupled the decisive answer below puts Tampa Bay a notch above Kansas City.

Tampa Bay at Washington
Or is Tampa Bay the best? Magic 8 ball: As I see it, yes!

Miami at Jacksonville
Ricky Williams? Magic 8 ball: Ask again later. Second Time: Ask again later. Third Time: Yes, definitely! Watch for Ricky Williams to start out slow and then explode in the latter part of the game.

New York at New England
Duke of York over the King of England? Magic 8 ball: Signs point to yes!

Oakland at Cleveland
Will Oakland again find a way to lose? Magic 8 ball: Signs point to yes!
(Personally, I am going with Oakland regardless of the 8 ball.)

Philadelphia at Dallas
Philly? Magic 8 ball: Reply hazy, try again. Second time: My sources say no.

Baltimore at Arizona
Who cares?

Buffalo at New York Jets
Nature vs. Technology? Mother Nature? Magic 8 ball: It is definitely so!

Pittsburgh at Denver
Upset by Pittsburgh? Magic 8 ball: Without a doubt.

San Francisco at Seattle
Seattle still the king of lattes? Magic 8 ball: As I see it yes!

Atlanta at St. Louis
Rams back? Magic 8 ball: You may rely on it.

There you have it. Three upsets in the making, Seattle, Cleveland and Pittsburgh.


Jerzy Krzak 

That's Whistleass's name in Polish. Seems like some of the Pack, in assuming some sinister uberplot from Jerzy are attributing him far, far too much intelligence. The real danger is that he is a complete half-wit - making Forrest Gump an Einstein by comparison - and is bumbling through on a fratboy's sense of cool and uncool. Codswallop? Someone once told me that "Someone who knows Bush told me once that Bush was ten times smarter than he seems." (Also, I think everyone has heard that quote; it is likely an urban myth spread by Jerzy himself.) Maybe true, but mathematics tells us that any number multiplied by zero is zero.

Maybe he is exactly of "average intelligence"? Ed Abbey wrote in "Monkey Wrench II" that such people are extremely dangerous.


The advantages of living in another country 

The advantages of living in another country in which English is not the first language is that whenever the press starts to make you angry - you can just tune it out. Its amazing how the din of a foreign language - even one you understand - can be tuned out so completely. I can never do that with English. Also, I never have to watch W in anything but sound bites with a voice-over. Sometimes, albeit rarely, it almost makes him sound intelligent.

Lupus - you might try a laxative - it should not take anyone 5 hours to make a deposition.


Kobe and "GoldDigger" 

It's appauling how the Denver Post portrays Teresa Perez as a whacked out psycho golddigger because she was allegedly having an affair with car dealer Justyn Rosen.

Who cares that Rosen is a car dealer. Since when does being a car dealer give someone enough credibility that a city newspaper feels it has to go beyond the call of journalism to smear someone instead of reporting the facts?

Not only is she portrayed as a psycho but she is also painted as a nut case with abandonment issues. Wasn't Rosen having the affair as well? What was his mental state as he was playing hide the sausage with Perez?

I'm thinking the Denver Post staff writers felt they had to compete with the profile Kobe Bryant defense attorneys were pushing in court yesterday.


Lupus the disease... 

Occurs up to ten times as commonly in women as it does in men. Multiple sclerosis, about 2X in women. This is true of most auto-immune disorders--women get them far more prevalently. [Not true of the one Colorado governor Bill Owens suffers from...espejo reflejo pendejo...or roughly translated, fear of looking at the jackass in the mirror--but I digress] Does this mean women have better immune systems than men? If you guessed this, give yourself a pat on the back (not Pat Buchanan, though). Women are in many ways the tougher gender. Our Lupus, though, is as healthy as a woman. :)

Welcome back from the deposition, and reposition yourself for Sports Friday on the Bite, Loopie!


Another terrible example of censorship occurred today when... 



Thursday, October 09, 2003

Will Lupus return? 

Posted by Lupus
Wilk, Vulf & Lobo have picked up the slack for one Lupus. I hope to return Friday.
Last Friday I spent almost 5 hours in a deposition. For those of you not familiar with a depostion, it ranks on the scale of excitement somewhere between watching CSI: Womsutter Wyoming, and watching the new Saturday Night Live.

Note: The stink of SNL extended to even making Jack Black boring. We turned it off and put ourself out of our misery.

One other note, I sometimes feel like Lupus the wolf and other times like Lupus the disease.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

You know the one about not getting between the mother bear and her cubs? 

Now I know the one about the police sergeant and the last glazed donut.


What do fishermen think... 

when they’re in the jaws of a Great White shark?


I heard that having the right breed of cattle is essential... 

if you’re starting a fly farm.


Here’s one for the psych ward: 

This guy told me to forget the past: Well, then how am I going to remember he told me that?


This guy said that idiocy is inherited. 

Well, my Dad and I had a laugh over that one--that is, after we finished drinking paint and driving railroad spikes into the kitchen table.


More Vulf Quotes of the Day... 

OK, with all the seriousness of the former two entries...a few more "Quotes of the Day":

So many lies, so little time... 

I'll admit right off the top that this paragraph is speculative, but because of all the lies being told by the Fascist (i.e. corporatist, read earlier "Mussolini" blog for context) regime currently in power, I can't read anything anymore without wondering what the lie is...the wife of Senator Judd Gregg (a Republican) was apparently abducted and forced to draw cash out of a bank (Republican Senator's wife robbed--more civil liberties soon to be lost?). OK, another horrific terrorizing event, I guess. But no, the following quote disturbs me no end: "He said the tellers were not aware of any problem as Mrs. Gregg asked to withdraw money from her bank account." What? You've been abducted from your home all the way to the bank, then take out a lot of cash, and no one notices? Are the senator's debits outpacing his credits? Is there another round of CLR (civil liberty reduction) to follow? I don't get it.

On to a perhaps more subtle lie by association. However, this is a lie, not speculation. Three more soldiers were killed in Iraq yesterday (91 killed in action since May 1), but watch the "clever" deception in the reporting of it: "The three soldiers' deaths, the first reported since Friday, brought to 91 the number of American soldiers killed in hostile action since President Bush declared an end to major combat on May 1. A total of 320 U.S. service members have died in Iraq since the United States and Britain launched military operations against Saddam Hussein's government on March 20." Nowhere in this article do they explain that 91 is APPLES and 320 is ORANGES. The 91 killed in hostile action need be augmented by 94 killed in "other incidents" (being killed seems pretty hostile to me...were these other incidents group hugs that got out of hand?) since May 1.

[See for example (Another source) for a fairer reporting of the fact that "The three soldiers' deaths, the first reported since Friday, brought to 91 the number of U.S. soldiers killed in hostile action since President George W. Bush declared an end to major combat on May 1. In that time, 94 Americans have died in other incidents."]

Thus, 185 of the 320 have been killed since May 1, the infamous W-on-the-carrier date. Hmmm, come to think of it, 320-185 is "only" 135. Now I get it, apples and oranges, let's try to hide the fact that many more have been killed since the "major action" ended. Any "press" source citing the 91 and 320 but not the 94 IS NOT A SOURCE--it is a LIE FEST.


In words he can (maybe) understand 

OK, I know Schwarzenegger has a reputation for being a bit, er, blockheaded. As Wilk points out, though, the response to his threat was either too lame or too late by the Dems in CA. I know Davis is about as inspiring as a punctured lung, but I don't like the precedent. Nevertheless, I share the hopes of Wilk: "Hope he doesn't just become a puppet for other interests". What might those be? BIG OIL, the WHITE WHALE, and the like. One thing that makes me smile is how Rep-politicos cry about how liberal Hollywood is, but the two biggest Hollywood-cum-Politicians have been Reagan and Schwarzenegger (the latter now described as moderate, but just as far right as Reagan was--my, how times have changed after the American Kristallnacht (Not our generation's Pearl Harbor--right war, wrong analogy, for 9/11)! Does this mean the Republicans are hypocrites? No, Hollywood is generally liberal, but come on, let's relax...this is more than offset by a US President (two-termer, not like Bush's father!) and now an unpopular (less than 50% of the vote, even without having to run against Gray) governor of California.

Nevertheless, in the spirit of sportsmanship, I'll try to help Schwarzenegger out in terms he'll understand...i.e. titles of his movies:

Did California get a "Raw Deal"? Was "Collateral Damage" done to the entire voting system in the U.S.? I don't know for sure, but it was not a "Total Recall" since Arnold did not get a majority vote. Now the "Running [for governor] Man" precludes the "Rise of the Machines" as the right finds a way to fix the next election. Who will beat Hillary? "Hercules in New York"? I can't say for sure. I'd like to take an "Eraser" to this whole election process, but Gray was a "Villain", too, of his own insider fraternization and arrogance. Will Arnold be a "Predator" of women in Sacramento? Will he even go "Commando" under his gubernatorial trousers? Probably. He can't keep his "Red Heat" to himself. But he is not the "Last Action Hero", and I personally don't really care what sexual practices a politician has, so long as they're consensual. Ahem, with Monica (ick!) it was consensual, folks. I'm sure all 15 of those women were pathological liars, and just wanted the attention. Whatever. Oh well, "Conan the Barbarian" must have his jollies, with his "Junior" rising above his "Twins". So, if by "The 6th Day" of his term we are already hearing of his newest sexual exploits, we'll know all those stories told about him in the past week were "True Lies". All I know is, if you've been in this many movies, you can "Jingle all the Way" to the governorship. Govern well, I implore you, you were not elected because we agree with you--only because we've seen you freeze "Batman and Robin" and be a "Kindergarten Cop". You've got substantially more babysitting to do now, big fella.


Type A people 

I remember the first time I heard someone mention type A people. I thought they were saying "tapei" and didn't understand why in the hell the person thought all Taiwanese were so nervous and agitated.


Vulf is a machine 

It is clear that no one can match Vulf-man for erudition and productivity. So I will not try. Vulf is the king.

I am actually glad for the gubernator. I doubt its a plot; I just think people are really really sick of politicians. It was pitiful reading about Davis's attempts to paint Arnie as a goose-stepping, jack-booted Nazi boob-grabber who probes every orifice and declivity of each female he encounters. I thought President Bill showed us that groping is an Olympic sport for politicians? Campaigns should be for presenting your ideas positively and demonstrating with concrete examples why you are the best person for the job. Drawing attention to the other persons' foibles just makes everyone realize that the accuser has no substance in his/her program. If there is real dung to be raked, let the press root for it. Still, I suspect Arnie will find the machine doesn't function without falling into step. Hope he doesn't just become a puppet for other interests.


Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Failed States? And failed State mottos! 

Well, it appears California has failed us, so look for every non-Republican officeholder to be "recalled". Failed states. Oh well, one must laugh in the face of farse, so let's look at some other ridiculous US state matters...including the

10. Endless Missouri
9. I spied a ho in Idaho
8. The missus hit me in Mississippi
7. Drop some massive new shits in Massachusetts
6. I've got an itch again in Michigan
5. Death and Texas
4. Drain the Maine vein
3. Ill and old in Illinois
2. Why oh why will I try Wyoming
1. Get lucky in Kentucky


Mussolini said... 

that the true definition of Fascism is "corporatism". Given the Halliburton story in Iraq and the lack of democracy in how "reconstruction" contracts are awarded (See War on Iraq News Log, where it says "Iraqis say there is strong evidence of corruption in the way contracts are awarded, some of them going to ex-supporters of Saddam. Members of the IGC are asking Congress to take a closer look: 'There is mismanagement right and left, and I think we have to sit with Congress face to face to discuss this. A lot of American money is being wasted, I think. We are victims and the American taxpayers are victims.' "), we have true, pure, unrefined Fascism. Imagine Cheny Dick's (see earlier blog on 'Kafka and other literary musings' for context here--and beware the White Whale) conundrum..."Hmm, if I order that building blown up, I'll make $4M and no civilians will be killed...but if I order THAT one blown up I'll make $12M and there might be a couple of civilians inside." I, for one, don't want Cheny Dick having to make these types of "moral" choices. A bit like having an amoeba decide how the concept of "intelligence" should be defined...


I don't get mad, and I don't get even... 

I just get even madder.


I always put her on a pedestal. 

Of course, she was a 15th century Ming vase.


Sometimes it's better to forget than to... 

...er, something else.


The true measure of a person is... 

height, weight and percent fat.


The only two sure things in life are death and... 

Sure deodorant.


Type A people... 

REALLY make my blood pressure go up and my face turn red!


I think Mahatma Ghandi spoke for us all when he said... 



Unmitigated obfuscation furnishes a paucity of illucidation 


I don't mind being schizoid... 

And neither do I!



I predict that either the voting public of California will act rashly and take the first step to really screwing up the state or they will not.

Either they are going to vote based on their love of the media and in homage to their bad 1980's action video collection or they will not. (OK, Schwarzy was in some really good movies but this is not a movie review for Chissakes. For movie reviews go to www.cinemaluna.com)

Either they will turn a blind eye to the fact that although he claims to reject Hitler, Schwarzy is still associating himself with Pete "the immigrant hater" Wilson or they will not.

Either they will realize what is really going on (a Republican plot --no not the kind where they make you have sex with and intern, a real plot) or they will not.

Either way, it will be interesting to see whether California is really willing to send a big F-You to the California leadership at the price of destabilizing the future of the state--or not.

The last thing anyone needs is... 

the letter “e”--otherwise it would just be “anyon” and that doesn't make any sense.


Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  

Especially the absence of heart worms.


One thing that should never come between a father and his son is... 

the grandson, because then, hey, who was born when?


If you're like me, well then... 

you're six feet tall and annoying.


Wow! You know what's so neat about being manic depressive!?!?! 

well, not much really, I, er, I don't want to even say right now, sorry...maybe later...


Sports recap...keeping the day job.... 

Thank you, Tiger (he'll be player of the year again, but he's IN A SLUMP?) and the National League. Thank you, Buffalo (barely) and the Eagles.
No thanks to the (choke) A's and the Twins (damn Yankees).
Soccer: I guess the Germans really are better...Mia Hamm will be watching Garciaparra instead of the converse.
And as for the Raiders, I have no words. (a slight chuckle, though!)
The other Super Bowl team from last year choked in even more astonishing fashion (slightly)...I was going to start the recap (when it was 35-14 with 4 minutes left!) by noting a monkey at a keyboard can write "Hamlet" in some odd billions of years, but a monkey at my keyboard could've made my Game of the Week picks...except after 24 unanswered pts by the Colts, the monkey would've beaten me (no tv here in the Vulf den...but those last 4 minutes must have been something)...at least the Pack won over Holmgren, his ego and the Seahawks.
Till Friday...that is all for sports (this week, all the NFL games?)


Monday, October 06, 2003

Grey but not Gray future for California 

The weather in the UK is dreary and miserable for much of the year, esp. in the West where life often takes me. It is a grey day, they say, rain rain go away. It will be a grey future indeed in California, perhaps. Too close to call? Maybe...my prediction though, Arnold "wins" with 33% of the popular vote (while Davis gets 49%). Welcome to the Termination of justice...indeed California gets a Raw Deal, as the Republican Predator party goes Commando on the voting rights of all...However, one final thought: How is Arnold not a career politician? He's married to a "Kennedy", he's shucking for re-election in the popularity polls with every new movie, and he's rich as Midas.


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