Friday, February 27, 2004

Fast food employment...manufacturing what, atherosclerosis?! 

This in an email from the Dem party to yours Vulfy...

Quote of the Week
"I am sure the 163,000 factory workers who have lost their jobs in Michigan will find it heartening to know that a world of opportunity awaits them in high growth manufacturing careers like spatula operator, napkin restocking, and lunch tray removal." --Rep. John Dingell (D-MI) in a letter to Bush economic adviser Gregory Mankiw questioning the administration's suggestion that fast food jobs should be listed as manufacturing.

If you have Acrobat Reader, the full letter is here, quoted next:

Dr. Gregory Mankiw
Chainnan, Council of Economic Advisers
Executive Office of the President
Washington, DC 20502

Dear Dr. Mankiw:
I noticed in the recently released Economic Report of the President that there was some
consternation in the defining of manufacturing. It could be inferred from your report that the
administration is willing to recognize drink mixing, hamburger garnishing, French/freedom fry
cooking, and milk shake mixing to be vital components of our manufacturing sector.

I am sure the 163,000 factory workers who have lost their jobs in Michigan will find it
heartening to know that a world of opportunity awaits them in high growth manufacturing careers
like spatula operator, napkin restocking, and lunch tray removal. I do have some questions of this
new policy and I hope you will help me provide answers for my constituents:
Will federal student loans and Trade Adjustment Assistance grants be applied to tuition
costs at Burger College?
Will the administration commit to allowing the Manufacturing Extension Partnership
(MEP) to fund cutting edge burger research such as new nugget ingredients or keeping the
hot and cold sides of burgers separate until consumption?
Will special sauce now be counted as a durable good?
Do you want fries with that?

Finally, at a speech he gave in Michigan this past September, Secretary Evans announced
the creation of a new Assistant Secretary for Manufacturing. While I understand that it takes a
while to find the right candidate to fill these positions, I am concerned that five months after the
announcement no Assistant Secretary has yet been named. I do, however, know of a public
official who would be perfect for the job. He has over thirty years of administrative and media
experience, has a remarkable record of working with diverse constituencies, and is extraordinarily
well qualified to understand this emerging manufacturing sector: the Hon. Mayor McCheese.

I can't make this stuff up. $75,000 jobs are being replaced by $12,500 jobs and so Bush wants them re-classified to match the lost jobs. You used to build computers, or cars, or new proteins to cure cancer. Now you push cancer-inducing carbonated beverages and carbon-drenched burgers on the indolent and unfit public. Hey, it's all manufacturing, isn't it? Instead of designing a new gas-electrical hybrid engine, you now throw the burgers on the grill and manufacture myocardial infarction, one bite at a time. Pity about those bills, though.


Martha working in the kitchen while Mary washes my feet... 

And that's OK by me, because Martha is at home in the kitchen. Hey, let's admit it, Martha Stewart is named after that Biblical anal-retentive for a reason...she's dry as Lake Sahara. And I'd just as soon watch lint form in the dryer at a public laundromat as watch her show. Nevertheless, justice is served...the main charge against her was dropped. Why won't the media comment on the fact that had she held onto her ImClone stock, she wouldn't be much worse off right now...check out the historical stock record for ImClone. Hmmm, never mind that all those folks ripped off by Enron will never see a dollar for a moment. How much did Martha really save selling? It's less than $50,000 at this point. Chicken feed compared to how much this asinine trial has cost the public.

OK, Martha, go back and fix me a turkey pot pie and fetch me another beer. Mary and I have some talking to do.


Thursday, February 26, 2004

No need to mince words... 

Hard to sugar-coat this quote by "I'm odd" Chalabi...

"As far as we're concerned we've been entirely successful. That tyrant Saddam is gone and the Americans are in Baghdad. What was said before is not important. The Bush administration is looking for a scapegoat. We're ready to fall on our swords if he wants."

Sure, you'll fall on your sword, because you're just a lobbyist and don't need to get re-elected. How flagrant can it be? Why not just say "We told Bush a plethora of lies to back up his primitive need to go into Iraq, and now that he's rightly being called on his ignominious and puerile decision, we'll take the blame for him."

Nice try, Chalabi. You may have fooled Bush, but don't think you can fool the rest of us. While I'd love to put a pie in your fatuous face, you didn't make the decision to kill thousands of Iraqis, hundreds of Americans, and hundreds of allies--and to spend, eerily, about the same amount of money in Iraq that Greenspan wants cut from Social Security. But that is another story altogether. Sorry, Chalabi, I'm giving the blame to the one who made that decision. Now kindly go crawl back in your hole and shutup.


Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Found it! 

We now know what the Republicans have paid Nader to enter the race about. That would be gay marriage. Because the left is more open-minded than the right, there are more opinions there. The right always looks for a contentious issue to try to split the majority. In 2000, Nader was a faux Green. Now he's suddenly gay friendly. For a guy who championed seat belts and making potato chip bags harder to open during his "prime", blind to the rest of the nation's struggles with race, gender and class, Nader sure has found a weak way to try to pull away votes.

Nader's legacy? Nader who?


Monday, February 23, 2004

Letter from Nader to The Bite 

Ralph Nader
Bellevue Hospital
New York, New York

The Bite

Dear Mr. The Bite,

Thank you for allowing me to address you and all your readers. As you well know, I have just declared my intention to run for President. My Campaign Manager, Dr. Ted Fields, M.D. and Professor of Psychiatry, has encouraged me to work on a program of my own choosing. With his help I have been able to once again reconnect with the public and reintroduce myself to outside world. Dr. Ted wanted me to work on more modest goals like being able to spend a day outside, but I told him in no uncertain words that my goals were much bigger than that.

As part of weekly meetings, we have discussed how the present two-party system does not function for the world I inhabit. I have told him and he agrees that there is not a dimes worth of difference between the two parties. For example, both parties talk about the environment. One wants to destroy it and the other wants to save it. I, on the other hand, do not care either way. No, what neither party wants to do and needs to do is focus on me. Me, Me, Me!

I already have the support of several prominent religious, business and world leaders. Jesus, Buddha, George Washington, Nelson Rockefeller and Abraham Lincoln to name the few have thrown their support behind me.

Given the tremendous support I have and the need outside, I had to make a sacrifice and run for president. As long as I take my meds, my campaign manager does not feel there is any danger. So please support me because I am good enough, strong enough, medically stable enough with my meds and doggone it people like me. At least they do here.

Ralph "Napoleon" Nader

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