Saturday, April 03, 2004

Sharon predicting another assassination...! 

Wow, like I said, fact is stranger than fiction.

On Thursday, I mentioned that Moby Dick predicts many an assassination, and made the quip that it "...thus foretells all of Sharon's assassinations (see link for reference). Come to think of it, are Cheny Dick and Sharon related?"

Then, the next day, on Friday, Sharon threatened to assassinate Arafat!:

Palestinian President Yasser Arafat said on Saturday he was unmoved by Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's threat to assassinate him.

"I don't care for it. I am caring for my people, for our children, for our women, for our students," Arafat told reporters at his battered Ramallah headquarters.

It was his first response to Sharon's most explicit threat yet. In comments published on Friday, Sharon called Arafat a poor insurance risk, an ominous phrase two weeks after Israel assassinated Hamas militant leader Sheikh Ahmed Yassin.

OK, flat out lucky guess on my part. The more disturbing part about the Reuters article, though, comes slightly later:

Israeli Internal Security Minister Tsahi Hanegbi defended the prime minister's original remarks, saying U.S. forces have killed militants in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"It (the United States) should be the last one to preach to us about how to implement our right to self-defense," Hanegbi told Israel Radio.

Sadly, any country on the planet can now dismiss their "rogue" behavior based on the US "war" in Iraq. After all, any place on earth is a "potential" spot for WMD development. Better to kill off everyone outside your own little clique than wait for them to think about WMD's...


Thursday, April 01, 2004

Purchase a progenitor... 

A fellow Internet junkie (thanks for the Random tip!) passed this on--a place to buy an ancestor!

Are you seeking personal connections with wealth and fame, or trying to join a prestigious American Revolution society, or looking to fill those blank spaces in your family tree?

Have you spent years in frustrating searches and paying so-called "professional genealogists" - only to discover that your family tree is riddled with obscure debtors, unheroic toads and missing information?

Here and now, at prices less than you ever imagined - you can buy an ancestor - complete with copies of authenticating documents. Feel free to select from our monthly specials or from our categorized, seldom-duplicated list of notables.

And, for just a slightly higher fee, you can fix that family tree with a made-to-order ancestor.

Why go anywhere else when your complete genealogy solution is right here!

Truth is often stranger than fiction. But the possibilities here are truly impressive.

1. Bush purchases Bonzo as his long-lost uncle to prove his lineage with Reaganomics--he already looks like a chimp.
2. Kerry purchases the Old Man of the Mountain to both explain his lantern jaw, and to have a ready excuse when his campaign crumbles from the precipice.
3. Ralph Nader purchases Teddy Roosevelt, running solely out of spite and ego. Except at least Teddy had some original thoughts.
4. Cheny Dick purchases Moby Dick, and thus foretells all of Sharon's assassinations (see link for reference). Come to think of it, are Cheny Dick and Sharon related?

Oh, the possibilities are endless! As are our society's shallowness, venality and class stratification? Purchasing an ancestor? For God's sake, why not just claim the one in Nederland, Colorado, frozen and ready to go...


Wednesday, March 31, 2004

More from www.dubyaspeak.com 

I'm really enjoying the "random dubyaspeak" feature on www.dubyaspeak.com:

Anyway, I'm so thankful, and so gracious -- I'm gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well.
-- Miami, Florida, June 4, 2001

We're dealing with centuries and years of hatred, and I understand that.
-- On the Palestinian/Israeli situation, White House, May 2, 2002

If only I could have heard Johnny Mathis sing, then I would have wished Laura were here again.
-- Interesting... Los Angeles, California, Jun. 27, 2003

My views are one that speaks to freedom.
-- Classic Dubya, Washington, D.C., Feb. 18, 2004

And, most importantly, Alma Powell, Secretary of Colin Powell, is with us.
-- In case you were wondering, Alma Powell is not the "Secretary of Colin Powell", but rather Secretary of State Colin Powell's wife, Washington, D.C., Jan. 30, 2003

and the infamous:

This is a new kind of, a new kind of evil... And the American people are beginning to understand. This crusade, this war on terrorism, is going to take a while. And American people must be patient.
-- Simultaneously placating American anxieties, and stoking those of Muslims worldwide, who don't exactly associate good things with the word 'crusade', Washington, D.C., Sept. 16, 2001


Quotes of note...About Bush, and then by Bush 

These are making their way around the Internet....thanks to a tenacious friend for collecting them in one place...

“Kerry is well on his way to reaching his magic number of 2,162. That's the total number of delegates he needs to win the Democratic nomination. See for President Bush it's different - his magic number is 5. That's the number of Supreme Court judges needed to win." -Jay Leno

"I love watching the White House press conferences, they're very enjoyable. I love watching talented journalists who spent their entire lives to get to the point where they're in the White House press corps only to find out they're dictation machines where the White House will tell them what to say. But I'm watching it today and the strangest thing happened, today was the first press conference relevant since they released the President's Vietnam service record and suddenly, it's like there's a whole new attitude. I have just one question for the press corps: Where the f--- have you been? You're starting to ask questions now? Now? All of a sudden, they've got questions and it's about his Vietnam service. Guys, you're like eight wars behind. Hey! I heard there was a break in at the Watergate! You might want to check in on that!" -Jon Stewart

"There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the White House wall and was arrested. This marks the first time a person has gotten into the White House unlawfully since...President Bush." -David Letterman

"If you've been watching the news at all, President Bush is traveling the country giving speeches on how well things are going in Iraq. He said there are schools opening every day. Okay, they are terrorist training schools but at least the kids are learning." -Jay Leno

"President Bush said we will not get directly involved in domestic and economic problems in Haiti. Of course not, Bush doesn't even get involved in domestic and economic problems here." -Jay Leno

"On Fox News today they said catching Osama bin Laden is just a matter of time. Yeah, election time!" -Jay Leno

"It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that, but it looks like he'll be handing over power to the Democrats by November 2nd." -David Letterman

"There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually had a nose job. If this is true, that's the first new job he's created since taking office." -David Letterman

"It was reported in the paper that President Bush received a 'warm reception' from the Daytona 500 drivers. Well sure, the drivers had never met anyone who was sponsored by more oil companies than they were." -Jay Leno

"A retired National Guard commander says he remembers President Bush showing up there for duty back in the '70s. He remembers Bush because he used to come into his office, sit down, and read. However, payment records released by the White House say that could not have been President Bush. Just the fact that the guy was sitting there reading I think suggests the fact that it was not George Bush." -Jay Leno

"It's Valentine's Eve and in honor of that President Bush announced today that he is doubling the funding for abstinence-only sex ed programs. Just because other people are doing it, doesn't mean you have to participate - kind of like National Guard duty." -Bill Mahr

"Today the White House released all of the President's military records. They are divided into two sections: Scorched and shredded." -Craig Kilborn

"There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots." -David Letterman

"Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry." -Craig Kilborn

"There was one kind of embarrassing moment when President Bush was asked if he ever went AWOL and he said, 'No no no, we have Earthlink.'" -Jay Leno

"Some sad news, President Bush's lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn’t even know Tony Blair was sick?" -Jay Leno

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said Wednesday that he still believes we will find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. These statements used to make me angry, but now I just feel kinda sad for him. The way I feel when Linus waits for the Great Pumpkin." -Tina Fey

"A very happy birthday to Ronald Reagan, one of America's most beloved presidents - 93-years-old today. George Bush today sent his warmest regards to Mr. Reagan and asked if he wanted to be on his committee looking in on intelligence failures." -Bill Maher

But that's not fair to W. Let's let him have the last words:

We've been through a recession. That means things are going backwards. -"W" our Prez

We want results in every single classroom so that one single child is left behind. -"W" our Prez

Sometimes it's not easy to be the friend of George W. Bush -- I know that. If you know what I mean. -"W" our Prez

We can outcompete with anybody. -"W" our Prez


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